So I just moved into a new neighborhood, its pretty nice; although I think life has a funny sense of humor because now, after writing that article about not killing cockroaches, it seems that I have found an apartment with them in it. But I am just keeping the place very clean, giving them little reason to be here, and I installed some of those electronic devices in my wall outlets that say they release high pitch sounds that make the little things look for a new home to dwell in. So far it is working very well, and I haven’t seen one in days.
Last night I had an interesting meeting with my next door neighbor — it was the first time we have met. It wasn’t a bad meeting or anything like that, in fact we got along quite well, but there was just something odd enough about the interaction that I thought I should document it.
I was coming home from a dinner meeting, and she was coming home from work. She introduced herself as my neighbor and we got to your basic, token, first meeting question and answer session. When she discovered I was not a total weirdo, about her age, and single… she invited me into her house so we could sit down and talk more.
In an shockingly short amount of time I was told that she was single, sexually active, and asked if I was into casual sex. I was a bit taken aback by this, but never lost my composure of anything like that. I just politely acted like I was dull to the fact that this was some kind of an advance and mentioned that as a “Spiritual” person I don’t let myself fall into irresponsible sexual behavior.
“What? You mean you are not saved? You are not Christian?” she said.
I then got a talking to about how I needed to get saved and be Christian like she is. When I mentioned that I was quite happy with my current religious situation, and obviously quite moral as well, she mentioned how maybe I was “too moral” and that her church is great because they don’t care at all about if the people going there are having sex, living together, drinking a lot, or anything like that. “You should try it,” she said.
I asked her if they were so open minded about that kind of stuff how the church treated gay people that wished to attend there… “Oh no,” she said “gay people can’t go there. That’s a sin.”
Now that’s interesting. I think the irony of that one escaped her.
I politely said “no”, to her offer(s), said that it was nice to meet her and excused myself since it was getting late and I still had a few things to do before bed. I don’t think that the conversation ended awkwardly or anything like that.
When I got home I started thinking about something that a pastor I know was telling me about his church a few months ago. It’s one of the fastest-growing in America, but some things about it were frustrating him; he was telling me about how just about every unmarried couple that he knows that goes to his church are having sex, and how most couples he is giving marriage counseling to are already living together and sleeping together.
He said it with a bit of surprise in his voice, and I asked him if he has considered WHY that is the way that the current situation is. His automatic response was simply that these people must be too caught up in the world, not close enough to Jesus, and they are the product of their MTV, Sex in the City, iphone environment.
Obviously, he hadn’t ever really thought about if maybe it was something that he or his church were doing wrong.
Now, I can’t speak for him or his church but should we not at the very least consider for a second if maybe it is something that “we” are doing wrong? Some point that “we” are missing?
These people… they are in your church, some of them have been for years. Are they not also a product of the environment of the church they are going to? Have you had so little impact on their lives that you can’t even consider church or your leadership a factor of influence on your churchgoers? Interesting.
And look at the statistics… you are saying that just about ALL, the overwhelming majority, of the people you are bringing up in your church are doing this, and you have not even stopped to consider for a second that MAYBE this has something to do with your church leadership or direction?
Or have you considered that maybe the same thing that is making your church so appealing that it is growing so fast is the same thing that is lessening its redeemable qualities? Sure you are growing, and you are popular, but at what cost?
The Dhammapada tells us that if the people in your care are screwing up, stop concentrating on their faults and start looking at your own faults, because as leaders after your correct your own, the other’s will naturally fall into line.
If there is disorder it normally flows from the top-down, and not the bottom-up.
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The other side is to take a critical look at what a particular religion is defining as “screwing up”. I’m sure we all know christians who’ve struck a balance between this kind of dogma, and their personal responsibility regarding things like sexuality. It’s that weird dissonance that’s evident when she uses language like “you haven’t been saved?” and then talks about casual sex; right or wrong, that’s one heck of a disconnect on her part.
True. And I do know that there are liberal as well as fundamentalist Christians out there. I do find it funny though when they are liberal about their little “white collar” sins but still so old fashioned about other things. It is almost as though they make concessions for the things which would help keep them popular and attendance going, but don’t let the freedoms spread into anything that would hurt them or be of too much controversy. For example, sure the nice, straight, upper middle class folks can have sex outside of marriage now, but gays and lesbians are still unacceptable.
On a different note, it is funny that I was asked if I was “saved” or not. Which brings up the question… saved from what exactly? Religion needs to offer more than just a promise of salvation upon death, and should offer practical transformations that make our lives better today as well.
I think you are hitting the nail on the head with modern christianity. I have been wondering about that as well. It seems to me if there isn’t a difference in our “religous” experiences and our “secular” experiences then there may be an issue of dicernment in those areas. I work with youth ministry as a volumteer and I come across this all the time. “Are you saved?” Yeah, from what, God, satan, death, rebirth, what is it that they really are trying to say? I like to respond with, “I was saved, I am being saved and I hope to be saved in the future.” It puts a real twist in their responses. The other thing is true also with a tranformational life. I can see why so many people are running away from modern christianity, because there seems to be a disconnect. I am trying very hard to have an authentic faith that keeps me pressing to “know” God deeply. I am not there yet, but I am still searching and striving. I find it better for me to say , “I don’t know all the answers and that I am still searching. This is where I am right now, ask me again in a few years and see where I am at.” I leave you with this saying by Gregory of Sinai:
Continually take careful note of your inner intention: watch carefully which way it inclines, and discover whether it is for God and for the sake of goodness itself and the benefit of your soul that you practice stillness or psalmodize or read or pray or cultivate some virtue.
Many Blessings on your Journey,
Kevin
When I was a Christian in a youth group, I remember there was this girl who talked about remaining “pure” until marriage and never cussed. But she wanted to be an actress doing big Hollywood movies and such. I remember asking her what about sex scenes or having to use bad language, and she said that she had no problem with it, that it was her character, not her, doing it. She even went as far as to say that she would still even be a virgin until is was the “real” her having sex, but only after marriage.
Talk about a disconnect!
lol. wonder if a condom makes it not “real” sex since there is no real contact — being buffered by the latex?
I just came across this blog after searching for some text that my yoga instructor quoted from the Dhammapada. I find your thoughts and experiences very interesting, and I thank you so much for sharing information about Buddhism and the Dhammapada. Thank you for this blog. I’m searching for a way to make comment this not sound to corny, but I think I’ve failed to do that.
You are welcome! I appreciate it very much:)
By the way, I did finish translating the rest of the Dhammapada. I’ll get that online soon. In the mean time, if you had a specific part you needed to find and cant.. I’d happy to see if I can.