How does the son of a pastor who has worked for, and rubbed shoulders with some of the biggest stars of the church today wind up losing their faith on his way towards his Master’s Degree in theology? Did I mention that I used to be a youth pastor? How the heck did I wind up getting into Buddhism, Hinduism, Gnosticism, Zoroaster and Tao? And finally, what was it that brought me back?
Well hi, that’s me Neil — Reverend, bible scholar, friend of God, and Christian heretic.
This blog is a brutally honest, open, and quite unfiltered account of my questioning God and religion as I searched after Truth. It’s a tab bit irreverent at times, funny at others — narcissistic as all hell, but for all you others out there on the journey I’m leaving it up here for you all to enjoy.
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I did find what I was looking for… and a little bit more so I will not be posting here any longer. Instead, I created a new website called Evolitionist and I welcome you all to check it out to see what I am up to now.
Best of luck to you all on your own searching,
Neil Christopher
neil@evolitionist.com
www.evolitionist.com
Prometheus Books is interested a book of testimonies of college students who have left the fold, including the testimonies of founding members of the various freethought campus groups that have sprung up across the country in the last decade or so. There will also be room for testimonies by “leavers” from Christian colleges, even ex-seminarians. Though most of the contributors ought to still be fairly young. I am seeking intelligent, articulate and moving testimonies by young people who left the fold in college. I expect some may wish to remain anonymous which is fine; their name and the names of their church and family can be edited either before their submission or afterwards so that anonymity is maintained.
I hope to publish the most intelligent, articulate and/or moving testimonies in full length format along with a photo of the contributor (unless they wish anonymity), and also include quotations from the testimonies of the remaining submitters.
I am also seeking to speak with past founders and presidents of campus freethought groups for an introductory chapter on the HISTORY of the rise of campus freethought groups during the last two decades (or if not a complete history at least some of the most entertaining or moving anecdotes concerning the founding of such groiups).
Edward T. Babinski (editor of Leaving the Fold: Testimonies of Former Fundamentalists, Prometheus Books, 2003) email: leonardo3@msn.com
Well if you are wishing to speak with me about being involved in this – then yes I would be willing to write and contribute. We can speak further if you wish, I will email you.
So I stumbled upon your website searching for “pray to the moon” on google. (I just happened to be praying to the moon and had a very strange experience, so when in doubt google it)
Anyhow I told my friend about this website and we have spent all night reading many of your posts. We both have different views of religion her being Christian and my being unconvinced of what the church has to say about history. I am not well educated on the bible where she is and we have many an interesting debate. And here you are able to convey both of our thoughts and views all wrapped up into one place.
We would love to pick your brain from time to time. First things first, simple one. Your age. I guessed 27 she guessed 24. and she is curious to know what denomination your seminary school is? Have you heard of Florida College? That’s all for now, our heads are spinning a bit, Can we be groupies?
hi there! i am really glad to hear from you. I am actually now 30. So you were almost right in your guess. I am older than the other people in class by a couple years, but I have also gone through art school. I would love to talk to you both about anything you want. I can even give you my email if that helps. It is a fun journey and the more the merrier. I have heard of that school in Florida. Have you heard of West Palm Beach Atlantic? That is in FL as well. I did a semester there, but left because everyone was smoking pot and having sex… so I figured they did not have any real answers. The school I am at right now is considered non-denominational, but they started out as an Assemblies of God seminary, and they really still do have that mindset (most profs here).
Wow. It takes a lot of fortitude, intelligence, and courage to question your beliefs, come to your own conclusions, finish what you started and then decide to go your own way.
Much admiration for your ideals, much metta to you, and best of luck in your journey.
Just read “Emasculated by ‘Buddhism'”–great post and funny, something I don’t come across very often on Buddhist blogs. Write me and let me know if you’re interested in writing for us.
I happened upon this blog while looking for some English translations of Prajnaparamita literature; I stuck around because your current state of practice sounds a bit like mine (suspended between Theravada and Zen; never sure about who’s giving “authentic” teachings; inclined to think that Buddhism needs less “modernization” than many wish to give it); and then I dived right in to follow your amazing journey.
I don’t read many Buddhist blogs. The very idea of blogging about Buddhism makes me think of the man who said he smoked because coughing up the phlegm helped him clear his lungs. That said, I’m really enjoying yours. The translation was very illuminating, and really helped me understand Mahayana better. You’re bringing up great questions and observations. I look forward to more insights, and wish you much success in your explorations!
just found your blog, and only read a few posts. in terms of overcoming the guilt from your christian background, you might find the following blog of interest:
http://fromthewatchman.blogspot.com/
the author is a former collegiate minister who burned out on the guilt trips, (so he gave it up to start a restaurant, of all things). while he’s still a christian, he’s greatly tempered his views, his guilt, and his dogma, and finally finding some peace from his new views. but watching the psychological process he goes thru to “detox” as it were, might be of interest to you, and he may well be a kindred spirit you can get advice from.
best wishes…
–sgl
Love the posts so far. I practice with mostly Christian Buddhists and not being Christian myself, I find the perspective interesting and engaging.
Feel free to stop by my own blog: http://www.zendirtzendust.wordpress.com
I find the Christian Buddhist concept engaging myself, but personally I cant rectify the two. The only way that I can is if i look at God and the Christ figure as something figurative and no longer literal. Which works out into a great, almost gnostic religious concept, but one that I do not feel like I can classify as Christian since there is no literal god-man Jesus who died, rose again and is the only path to some literal heaven and it’s God-king.
[…] at the New Heretics, the son of a pastor described this interaction at a Thiền Buddhist Temple… I mentioned some of my Theravada […]
Hello! First of all, let me thank you for your very interesting blog. It’s very interesting to follow the journey you’re on, especially with your background. And I would also like to thank you for teaching me some things about Christianity.
I noticed that you have not yet found “your” way in Buddhism. Either it’s Theravada or Zen. And that is the main-reason why I’m writing this. I felt the same way, before I found what worked for me. When I started practicing Buddhism(or well, now I more and more think of it as Dhamma) I felt drawn to both Zen and Theravada, but they are a bit incompatible. The main issue for me with Zen was the Boddhisattva-vow. It felt like too much of a responsibility.
If we think about it, Nirvana is a no-no until all sentient beings are liberated. That means all the animals would have to be reborn as a human and THEN realize nirvana. I felt that was a bit too much…
It was around that time that I found the teachings of Ajahn Chah, and the Thai Forest Tradition. It offered me a downplay on rites and rituals, a focus on meditation and realization over just studying the Pali Canon while it was not bound by the boddhisattva-vow. I was stuck
I find this 6-page summary helpful to get a basic understanding of it:
http://www.abhayagiri.org/main/content/C51
Mandatory wikipedia links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajahn_Chah
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thai_Forest_Tradition
If you still feel interested, I can recommend http://www.what-buddha-taught.net . I think reading “A Still Forest Pool” by Ajahn Chah would be a great way to start, but I have not read it myself yet.
I don’t know if it’ll work for you, if this is what you’re looking for, but whatever the outcome will be, you’ll be able to take another step down your path. I wish you happiness and liberation, a mind at peace and the extinguishing of Dukkha.
Mettā,
André
Thank you so much André. I had a chance to go to a retreat with Thanissaro Bhiku, and later a private meeting with some tea, and he also recommended/gave me several books to read from the Thai Forest Tradition. It was my encounter with him that first got me thinking about that tradition, although it was more my being impressed with his discipline, scholarship, and his level of concentration in meditation. On the other hand, Zen was my first introduction to the practice and I love how stripped it is of religion and ceremony. Also, I seem to get more out of that form of concentration (no mind or silent illumination) than I do from other suggested concentrations… I am especially put off by guided meditations, visualizations, and attempts to induce certain states or feelings. A major issue that I have with Zen though is that in all it’s stripping away or the non-essentials, it seems they got ride of some things that I consider essential in the process. Like faith, reincarnation, nirvana, enlightenment… which makes me wonder what the point of a Bodhisattva vow under such conditions would accomplish anyway.
Thanks for the links, I will check them all out! And I will look up the works of Ajahn Chah as well. I appreciate it.
Best wishes to you my friend.
Hi. Just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your blog very much.
I very much appreicate your blog. There is no end to the quest, thankfully! I have found repeatedly that I am constantly changing and being changed, which makes me think that I’m onto something in my own quest.
My only question right now is about your tag line. Do you mean it to say ‘only the quest is scared” or “only the quest is sacred.” If it’s the former, I’d be interested to know what you mean by that. While the quest is often terrifiying, I don’t tend to think of it as scared in an anthropomorphic kind of way.
I have a poor neglected blog at http://spiritualpowerforall.blogspot.com/. feel free to check it out. I’m planning on creating a new one or revitalizing the old one to really start coming out ot the closet (spiritually/philospohically/religiously speaking). I’ve been playing it way too safe so far. It’s time to go for broke. You are welcome to follow along if you like.
Many Blessings to You!